Dating while natural does not have to be a pain or a challenge but sometimes…sometimes it’s both. Check out Angel’s account of a first date:
As
I pulled into a parking space, my nerves set in a little. Maybe I should’ve
worn something else. I check my lipstick and get out of the car. I do some last
minute fluffing to my hair & adjust my dress. As I walk towards the
restaurant to meet my date, I tell myself to relax because what happens doesn’t matter. It does matter. Maybe it doesn’t….?
There
he is, standing outside. Note to self- tall & good looking, a little under-dressed but no big deal. He opens the door & we’re seated. There’s
laughter, conversation and good eye contact. He says he’s dating with a
purpose, not just to be dating (check!). Not another GROWN man who wants to ”go
with the flow” and “doesn’t believe in titles.”
Then
it happens. He touches my hair. I keep talking because I don’t mind. It’s not
like a track is going to fall out. He stretches one of my curls down my back.
He smiled and said,
“You would really be bad if you flat ironed your hair.”
Bad
meaning good. *Record scratches* Trying to stay cool, I just smiled an
insincere smile and said, “What does that mean?” My mind flashes to my walk
here and how I was actually feeling myself. As I heard the sound of my heels
against the ground, it made me taller. Even stepping into a restaurant and
knowing I look a little different makes me feel good, but in that moment, in an
already nervous situation, I was brought down some notches. I’m not immune to
these things. He responds, “I’m saying it would be long & you would
probably look good. Do you ever straighten it?” I look almost through him, “I
thought I looked good already.” More aware of himself now, he says “Of course!
I just see potential.” I interject as he trails off, “You’re saying I’d look
better.” He casually answers, “Probably.
Do
I start a cultural conversation maybe too deep for this setting or let it go? I
simply say, “I would more closely resemble something that makes us
comfortable.” He squinted a bit. I continued and finished the date with as much
poise as I could, but as I walked to my car, the stride that I showed up with
had left and I was no longer stomping blood from concrete. Driving home, I
started to ponder the idea of if I’d look better with a weave or straight hair.
Then I thought, with my gym schedule, I could never do that. I shook my head
quickly trying to shake the thoughts out. Why am I entertaining this?
If
I was concerned about a flat iron, I would be out of shape and this guy wouldn’t like that. I go to the gym and keep a curly fro. He didn’t like that.
The point is, you can’t be everyone’s preference, so the best thing to do is be
you and trust someone will appreciate it. There are plenty of women who fit
“the look” and are unemployed, Instagram famous but ignoring a child they
pretend they don’t have, or just a terrible spirit. Plenty of men don’t realize
they’re being sold fantasy.
If
your PROBLEM with me is that I have big hair…I’m winning.
[by Angel via Myhaircrush]
When I first went natural after having relaxed hair for majority of my life, I worried if it would effect my dating life. Would I not be deemed as pretty or polished? But then I quickly remembered I wear my hair and clothes for me. A guy needs to get on the train or let it pass by as I'm secure and happy with my natural hair. Not straightening for anyone!