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Do I Need You to Like My Natural Hair?

Do I Need You to Like My Natural Hair?

Here’s a post I wrote a few years ago but still rings true.

Really the question should be do I need ANYONE to like my hair?  I guess that is a question only each person could answer and you might get more than a simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’.  So, as I pose this question to you I will be the first to answer…..No, I don’t but when I first went Natural I truly did.

I’m an older Natural.  It might not seem like a big deal to some of younger women out here proudly strutting around with their Natural tresses but we are not in the same place.  I too has more confidence when I was younger.  Not teenage young.  I mean in my 20’s even in my 30’s.  My body was tight, my weight was low and my energy as well as my health was great.  I was a different woman.  

I may have had worries of being a good mother, but worries on how I looked weren’t so big.  I was naturally slim.  I was naturally energized.  I knew I looked amazing with my permed hair whether I was sporting the Halle Berry short bob or letting my hair grow and brush against my shoulders.  Back then….my hair was an accessory. 

I’m 40 about to turn 41 in a couple of months and I can say with all truthfulness that I am not all that confident with my body.  Not like when I was younger anyway.  My naturally small body has expanded over the years but it’s still shapely.   I said all of that to make you understand why going Natural was extremely hard for me.  No, I didn’t have a bad perm experience but we moved from a humid climate to a dry one so I stopped perming.  

I did wear wigs, weaves and braids for the first three years.  I got tired of all that well into the third year but was too insecure to go full blown Natural and embrace my tresses.  I’ve always loved my daughter’s natural coily curls but assumed my hair would never do that.  I knew my hair would coil up when wet so I figured I start with wetting in the shower and trying hair products that keep the coils going.

That first day going to work with freshly wet hair one day in October 2008 was one of the scariest days in my life.  I was out and exposed.  It was like I was letting the world see all my unflattering flaws.  No, my hair was actually looking really good but I wasn’t convinced of this yet.  I was unsure of myself and my hair.  No point in denying it.  I hadn’t seen anyone wearing their hair Natural in Denver or not too many at least so I was out on a lonely limb. 

One of the most fashionable women in my office was in LOVE with my hair! Let me tell you… I love Beth’s funky style and attitude.   She really made me feel 100% better.  I got many more compliments that day but none meant as much to me as hers.  Why?  Because I truly needed her to like my hair. 

I’m a proud, strong, out-spoken Black woman but that doesn’t mean I don’t have fears and worries and insecurities.  I needed someone to like my hair.  Am I really proud of that fact?  No, but it is what it is.  As the days turned into weeks that eventually turned into months I became more comfortable with my Natural hair.  I learned what products to use to make the coily curls pop and I soon learned my daughter got her hair from me!  Who knew?  

It’s funny how it took me 35 years to learn what gorgeous hair I had naturally growing out of my head and I was damaging it with chemicals.  If you are willing you actually can learn something new everyday.

Do I Need You to Like My Natural Hair?

So, here I am out here blogging and wanting to share my good and bad experiences with Natural women but especially Older Natural women.  Your story may not be the same but I’m sure you see some similarities.  Being a woman is hard.  We deal with so much but deep down inside I truly believe we all want to be beautiful.  We are born, we grow up, we age, we bear children, we become educated, we fall in love, we hurt but all of that doesn’t change most of us from wanting to be beautiful.   

What is considered beautiful to us can change as well.  Over the last three years I’ve fallen madly in love with all Natural hairstyles.  Permed hair does nothing for me and I envy no permed or straighted style.  I didn’t feel that way three years ago but I sure as hell feel that way now.

So, do I need you or anyone else to like my hair.  Hell no!  I did almost three years ago in October but that day is long gone and so is my insecurity about myself in a lot of ways.  I dress the way I want and with what I like.  I style my hair the way I want and even though I’m no skinny mini, I am pretty happy with my size on most days.  Yea, I’d love to lose 40 lbs, (and have many times) but I still look good.  

I feel more right and connected with where I am supposed to be in my life.  Going Natural was something I knew I would do later in life even if I didn’t actually KNOW it.  Yea, that might sound funny to a young woman but an older woman is smiling and nodding her head right now.  You get where I’m coming from. 

OK, now it’s YOUR turn… you need me or anyone else to like your hair?  Come on, I won’t judge you.  I’m here to tell you just how gorgeous that hair is!

Stay beautifully Natural Naturals,


Leave a Reply


  1. November 19, 2012 / 1:19 am

    I'm just starting my transition. 6 months post relaxer and I have to admit I have mixed emotions. I am 47 and have pressed, jheri curled, and relaxed my hair into a thin mess. For me, going natural is to save the hair that I have left! Blogs like yours is making my transition so much easier…and I thank you 🙂
    I do have concerns over what my co-workers will think…even my boss. I hope it is excepted, I work in a mostly white office and well, you know the crazy questions they can ask! Lol! They're a good group of people ( I'm not trying to dog them!).
    I don't think my husband cares what I do with my hair as long as I don't cut it all off. He is very supportive bc he knows the struggles I have with my relaxed hair.
    Thank you for being honest. You laid out the same insecurities that I was feeling but thought my other sistas would see it as not embracing my true self!

    • January 4, 2013 / 10:43 pm

      I am so happy to have helped in any way I could. There is a lot of help out there but we older women have different issues than that college student just going off to class everyday. I understand your apprehension. I was worried about my co-workers as well but I got a ton of love from the white ones and as time went on I saw more black co-workers asking me questions or going natural. I'm sure it will all work out nicely.

  2. May 26, 2013 / 9:07 pm

    I am 45 and have been natural for 3 months post BC. I did not need anyone to validate my decision or to like my hair. I was concern that people would misunderstand my reasons for going natural, only because 3 months prior to going natural I entered into my first interracial relationship with a white male. It has only been one time that I thought about wearing a wig and that was a week after BC, I had a job interview and didn't know how I would be received. But I did not wear the wig. Don't get me wrong it feels good when my guy, family, friend or stranger compliment my hair but no I don't care what others think. If I did I probably would not have went natural.

    • May 30, 2013 / 2:13 am

      Thanks so much for sharing and congrats on embarking on this wonderful journey.

  3. June 28, 2013 / 5:25 pm

    Goodness, I love your story, Sabrina. When I first started wearing my hair naturally in my thirties (I am 65 now), many women of color were embracing their natural hair much more as a result of the Black Revolution (yeah, I am that old). Most of them were wearing short naturals; I chose to wear mine long. I don't remember whether I was concerned about the approval of others at that time. I guess I should have; I was working in the human resources office in an essentially majority white office for a very well known majority white university. As an interviewer, I was the first person applicants saw when they applied for a for a job, me with my beautiful long natural hair. There is a big "dash" between that time and now. Let's just say that I am back to my long beautiful natural hair again. Your blog post has made me think about whether I care what others think. Among the many the events that lets me know that having my hair natural is a wonderful thing is the example that I am setting for children of color. I am a retired teacher, and I sub for teachers when they are going to be absent. Female children of color often comment on my hair or stare at it. When I wore it in twists, they crowded around me to see them, and one asked how many twists I had. The younger children aren't afraid to ask questions; the older ones generally stare at me. The one thing I do know is that I have no intention of cutting my hair ever again or stop wearing it the way that I do. I guess the answer to your question is, no, I don't need anyone to like my hair. The only important thing is that I like my hair. My mind still continues to play games with me about my hair, but that just may be part of my journey. I have no intention of changing how I wear it.

  4. July 17, 2013 / 1:21 pm

    I want to first thank you for having a website that understands the older natural. I went natural on my 42nd birthday in December of 2010. I did wear wigs the first 5 months I was natural because I did not know what to do with my hair. Once that South Carolina heat in May I decided that it was time to take off the wig and really get to work understanding my hair. one day in July 2011 I had three events to attend in one day and I wore my hair out for friends and family to see. I got so much love to give me the impetus to continue on my journey.I am sure that if I got negative feedback I would have still been on my natural journey ,but is always nice to get positive comments.

  5. February 24, 2014 / 1:58 pm

    Girl, you look great for 40, I'm about 4 years behind you and trying to get like you when I grow up, lol! I could care less what folk think of my hair. If I and hubby likes it, the whole WORLD don't matter!

  6. Seriously Natural
    February 24, 2014 / 3:58 pm

    Actually I'm 43 now and thank you! Perfect way to think and thanks for sharing.

  7. February 24, 2014 / 10:55 pm

    I'm gonna have to try the Olive Oil one. I have a lot of sugar here and a new loofah. Have you do it on your whole body before? I image that would be nice too!

  8. February 24, 2014 / 10:56 pm

    All of these scrubs! I love it! I've been slacking on doing this during the winter.

  9. February 24, 2014 / 10:59 pm

    Thanks for this! I'm looking into this and wanna see how it works. I know I need something for having oily skin though, super curious to see how this works.

  10. Seriously Natural
    February 26, 2014 / 12:03 am

    I love it! I'm taking a break from it only because I won a super expensive gift basket from Dermologica and using their products at the moment but once I'm done I'm going back. (I'm such a giveaway whore!). I have combination skin and love it so don't worry. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Seriously Natural
    February 26, 2014 / 12:04 am

    Me too so don't feel bad.

  12. Tasha
    April 5, 2014 / 7:40 pm

    i actually had more insecurity when i was wearing weaves and relaxers, that was the only time i felt like my hair had to be perfect. Going natural has been a freeing experience, i've already made peace with the fact that not everybody is going to love it as much as i do and i'm fine with that.