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Hair Styler bullying

Hair Styler bullying

I may catch some flack for this but I think I’ve held my tongue for long enough. I’m not alone in this smoldering anger I have against some hair stylists as many have taken, quite angrily, to the vlogs, blogs, and websites screaming at Naturals who have become DIY’s for their hair.  I overlooked it at first and just became annoyed after awhile.  Now, I’m mad and feel the need to speak my mind.  


How dare you judge me for doing my own hair and choose to pass up your pricey salon as I head to my local Target to pick up my hair essentials.  How dare you scream at me from Social Media outlets at my inability to grow my hair on my own through self trims, styles and washes.  How dare you laugh, mock and ridicule me for watching YouTube videos for styles and techniques as I step away from the creamy crack and relearn my own hair.  How dare you when you didn’t even tell me how bad the creamy crack was for my hair in the first place.

I’m mad because you went to school for hair.  You learned about the chemicals and you touted yourself a hair expert.  Despite that, never has one stylist EVER told me during my 22 years of perming my hair that I should not be using those chemicals.  I had to learn that on my own.  I’m mad because I had forgiven you for that but you could not leave well enough alone.  Once you starting harassing me, yelling at me telling me I was inexperienced and downright wrong for doing my own hair I realized my best interest was never your concern in the first place.  My money was.  

I know you are a business woman.  I know you are working to provide for your family but don’t do it at my hair and scalp’s expense.  At least don’t make it so blatantly obvious now that your clientele has dwindled to the point you now call yourself a Natural hair stylist when you were slapping perm in my hair only a few years ago.   What changed?  The climate towards the creamy crack or did you REALLY have an epiphany and see the errors of your ways?  Yea…I’m thinking it was the money.

So, I’ll forgive you if you leave me alone and let me do my thing.  Revamp your shop or style or whatever to gain back your clients but stop the ridiculing and judging as many Naturals are quite successful at doing their own hair.  Be happy black women are straying from the chemicals and just learn how you can become a valued part of our hair process again.  Stop bullying us through facebook and other outlets telling us how stupid or wrong we are as I haven’t forgotten those 22 years of silence against the dangers of relaxers.  Respect our choice to walk away from the chemicals and I’ll respect your business and profession.  

Now…I’m done.  I’m spent. I’m tired.  Let the comments flow but remember I’m doing what’s best for my hair, scalp and skin.  Are you?

Leave the Naturals alone,


*This is to the stylists who have judged Naturals.  If you do not fall into that category this is not for you.


Leave a Reply


  1. May 7, 2013 / 4:10 pm

    Rotfl OMG. ..Yes yes yes.. Now you speak of the stylist in the salons, however I get ticked off by friends who have been natural longer and want to tell you about your natural hair..Really its my hair and if I ask you to help me style my hair listen to me and do as I asked. ..Not how you want to so my hair….So I just do my own damn hair with my own DIY products…I say this because I live with my life partner who has been natural for 3yrs and she believes what works for should work for me…I went to
    cosmetology school and I was a hair dresser who gave you what
    was in" CREAMY CRACK" so yes it was about the money, however now I make decisions for my own hair…And pray my life partner doesn't sabotage my diy products by mixing ish in my stuff that she believe is going to work.

    • May 7, 2013 / 4:29 pm

      Wow, that's crazy. I lot of naturals do mean well but fail to realize that what works for them may not work for you or anyone else. I'm sorry your life partner is not understanding that you are happy doing your own thing. I would try and talk to her (I'm sure you have) and maybe she will allow you to figure out what works for you. Thanks so much for sharing.

  2. May 7, 2013 / 7:50 pm

    Nicely written Sis..AMEN!

  3. May 7, 2013 / 8:26 pm

    girl preach it! most stylists think they know your hair better than you do. Never mind the fact it's been on YOUR scalp for umpteen years!
    can u believe the same hairdresser that told me i didn't need relaxer later told me my hair was frizzy because i wouldn't let her blow it bone straight? first off, it was NOT frizzy. IT just wasn't bone straight.

    I don't know what this obsession with bone straight hair is about but what's the big whoop? I LOVE my curls more than ever and NEVER go back to relaxing!

    OK now i'm mad lol

    • May 7, 2013 / 11:44 pm

      Frizzy hair is always better than bone straight hair. I'm so over straight hair. So generic. ANYBODY can have straight hair. None of it is worth the possible heat damage. Thanks for sharing.

  4. May 7, 2013 / 9:38 pm

    I couldn't have said it better! I have been going to "professional" hair stylists since my first Jherrie Curl at age 13, and I never got any constructive guidance on my hair from any of them. I don't know what these people are taught in school, but it has nothing to do with how to maintain healthy Black hair. When I got to the point where I felt comfortable asking my stylist questions ("Why is my hair thinning? What can I do to keep it from getting thin?), I got a load of baloney instead of "I don't know" or–God forbid–the truth ("Stop relaxing!"). Something has to be done about the Black haircare industry as a whole, starting with setting a higher standard for Black hair stylists.

    • May 7, 2013 / 11:45 pm

      Thinning hair…asking for help…get no real answers….but we are supposed to go back to them and give them our money to damage our hair? No thank you. Yes, something needs to be done about the usage of those chemicals and how professionals are keeping quiet about the ill effects.

  5. May 8, 2013 / 12:10 am

    Amen! If more salons want to keep the money, maybe they should hire natural hair stylists who REALLY understand and actually have the experience to care for AND style natural hair. I was very disappointed to find out that a salon that I had embraced when I was relaxed did not have anyone who specializes in natural styles. I think that naturals have had to learn to care for their own hair because so many stylists are only interested in the $$$ as opposed to the needs of the clients. I have learned more from research, YT, and my own experience than I EVER learned from a stylist. I refuse to pay someone to style my hair who knows little to nothing about the needs of un-relaxed hair. If I'm going to be consistently disappointed in the outcome, I might as well do it myself. Just saying…

    Thanks for the post! You said it girl!

    • June 14, 2013 / 7:44 pm

      I agree with you 100%! There are too many stylists and fewer hair experts in many hair salons and let's not forget the money is their driving factor. They are finding ways to make you come back instead of worrying about your hair. Saying our hair isn't healthy….claiming we cannot do it ourselves….I feel they need to focus on the health of the hair and with that changed attitude they will find more Naturals coming into the shops. Hell, why not hold workshops teaching Naturals techniques that they can do at home. Charge for the workshops and gain the respect the Naturals feel they have not been getting and you will see the money roll in. Thanks for commenting.

  6. May 8, 2013 / 12:36 pm

    This is the absolute truth on top of truth! I remember working as a shampoo girl in a hair salon a few years ago and always being quite saddened by the state of most of the women's hair. Alot of them had bad spots or thinning areas in their hair, and the majority of them had thin, lifeless hair. Their hair would be boss when they left the salon, but it was just so sad to see how unhealthy and damaged their hair was. I have always felt that alot, not all, of stylists focus on the style rather than the health of someone's hair. Instead of trying to glue in some tracks for coverage and increased thickness, the stylists should try to inform a client on how to take care of their hair, and they themselves should use all the knowledge they have to better care for your hair while you're in their salon. I really think it just depends on the stylist and what's most important to them. Either they just want your money, or they care about you and giving you the best service and knowledge they have and in turn get paid well for their expertise. In the past I would have much rather had a stylist who actually cared about my hair because when you find someone who has your best interest at heart, then you don't mind paying them for what they are worth. You just don't feel cheated.

    • May 8, 2013 / 1:45 pm

      Well said. If you care about the health then the added hair and treatment on top of treatment are not necessary. You reminded about all of that nonsense and extra fees you pay for them to make your hair LOOK good but what about healthy? Healthy hair is happy hair. Thank you so much for sharing.

  7. May 8, 2013 / 2:39 pm

    The Natural Hair "movement" is not appreciated by stylists because that keeps women out of their chair.

    • May 8, 2013 / 3:00 pm

      That is it in a nutshell but I gotta worry about my hair, scalp and skin. Thanks for sharing.

  8. May 9, 2013 / 1:42 am

    Preach preachah! Good post.

  9. May 9, 2013 / 4:06 am

    Wow! I'm with you. I haven't seen a stylist in almost 2 years. For decades I paid thousands of dollars to have my hair damaged and broken so that someone else could remind me that they were saving me from a fate worse than death. Nappy hair! Ha! I'm now proud of me nappy hair and glad that I don't need to spend my money on someone who just wants to hook a client and make another addict. Continue to speak the truth!

    • May 9, 2013 / 1:38 pm

      Thank you. I don't want to just dump on them but the outpouring of negative comments from some stylists has made me angry. I get they need clients but I would think they would shut up KNOWING what those chemicals have done to our tresses. Yes, yes, yes!! Thousands of dollars went into damaging our hair and loving our stylists even when our hair was thinning or getting those every 6 week chemical burns in our head. They just need to leave us alone! Thanks for sharing.

  10. May 9, 2013 / 5:50 pm

    Wow I'm definetly with you! They must understand that it's your hair and you know better than anyone else what's good for your hair (and you).

    But as a professional hairdresser, she should give you advice on which product is good for relaxed hair to keep it healthy. This also applies on technique for length retention.

    I agree that professional hairdresser do not care about your hair if it is healthy or not, all it matters for them is money which the reason that I stop going to the hair salon and do my hair by myself (weave, braids, twist,…)

    I save myself money and negative comment as the same time my hair is healthy and I gain experience on hairstyle.

    • May 9, 2013 / 7:28 pm

      Money is important but a hairdresser should be concerned about the health of their client's hair as well. Thanks for sharing.

  11. Anonymous
    May 9, 2013 / 10:29 pm

    You said that! Amen.

  12. Anonymous
    May 10, 2013 / 5:38 pm

    I have been natural for three years and some of the salons are moving into doing natural hair which is good. But….even they need training. We now have a generation of stylist who started getting relaxers when they were five years old. They know nothing about natural hair. For example, I went to someone who claimed to be a natural stylist, yet she pulled through my thick 4c hair with a very small teeth comb…breaking my hair. Also, true natural stylist….you don't have to charge us the mortgage. Give us a break! That's another reason why you are losing your clients or can't get new ones. You charge too too much!

    • May 10, 2013 / 6:52 pm

      I had a similar experience with a curly salon but girlfriend was combing the hell outta my hair and claiming I was shedding a lot. Afterwards I thought….you were yanking it out! I think she was just trying to find SOMETHING to say was wrong so she could advise me to come back. They charge too much, I agree and that's why they won't see me anymore. Thanks for sharing.

  13. Anonymous
    June 14, 2013 / 7:32 pm

    Hold on! Let's discuss the natural salons with poor business practices.
    I went to a natural salon–the door was open, promotional cards everywhere touting the stylist as the "cure all" for bald spots. The wall was full of "oils."
    I wanted a quickie frohawk before I went to teach a college class. The stylist stopped her discussion with a gentlemen and told me, "No. Not today. I am in a meeting and I can't do your hair. Read the promotional card. Sorry." I thought (as we usually internalize) perhaps it was my Sakroots bookbag–perhaps she thought I didn't have money. So, I said, "I have money." She said, "Look, I hope you come back but I am not doing hair today. This is an important meeting." *sigg* This was my issue when I was perming my hair–why do I have to wait for you to take your grandmother home, or get your children some food…or myriad of things keeping me in the salon all day? Why? THIS IS TAX FREE MONEY! This industry is a billion dollars strong! This is a talent–I will always have to pay someone to do my hair because 1)I like paying for convenience 2)I am NOT the DIY type and have reconciled myself with this and 3) It is my treat for me.

    But I should not have to beg a stylist to do my hair. The way SOME black owned businesses are managed—it is a shame. These are sad realities of poor business management skills. So it is not just the creamy crack stylists.

    • June 14, 2013 / 7:48 pm

      I have to ask…did you make an appointment first? That may have been a scheduled meeting and she was sticking to her schedule. To blame her for not attending to you when YOU were ready is not realistic. A stylist (a good one) will stick to a schedule and expect her clients to do the same.

      With that being said I have to agree that during my relaxed days I hated having to wait while a stylist picked up her child, or had to run errands. Scheduling better would allow for no client to ever have to wait but we allowed them to do this by still going and never saying anything about it. I went to a Curly salon last year and they were professional and tend to my needs but I felt the stylist was just TRYING to find something wrong with my hair as well as pushing their products on me. I overpaid for a cut I should never had done to my coils and learned a valuable lesson. I can do my hair all by myself. Thanks for sharing.

  14. June 14, 2013 / 8:35 pm

    As a Stylist with natural(for7years) hair I understand both sides of the now consumer driven industry. Because I stopped relaxing my hair at a time when there were no youtube..miss jessies…or kinky curly I was forced to figure it out by myself… but now as a Stylist there are somethings I still wouldn't have known if I did not have my liscense.
    So as a Stylist I am happy that my clients can two strand twist and treat their own hair. I let them know that I am here for the things they can't do. I feel some type of way when stylist feel that clients should be totally dependant on them. At the same time there are some of us that are and will be apart of the natural hair community..not go bank but because we really care about our clients hair and we want to help those who can't help themselves.

    • June 14, 2013 / 9:51 pm

      See, I would LOVE going to you and getting a twist out, braid out or bantu knots done. I cant't to it and would love getting pampered and looking fab leaving your shop. Unfortunately, you know there are some who are bitter because their business has slacked up and are just going off on folks for taking the DIY route. Thanks for sharing.

  15. April 13, 2015 / 5:53 am

    You will be able to find a good brand of hair clippers starting at about 20 USD and going up to 100 USD. It’s vital that you do not base your selection solely on price as mentioned before quality & the other components matter when choosing clippers.