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NO DUMPING PLEASE!! Not Hating On Relaxed Women (repost)

NO DUMPING PLEASE!! Not hating on relaxed women

I’m sure it seems that Naturals are haters of Relaxed women.  It probably looks like we think we’re more ‘real’ than them or ‘truly’ black or even accusing Relaxed women of being self-haters.  Whatever some Relaxed women feel Naturals think of them doesn’t compare to what they THINK we think of them.

Confused? Yea, you should be.  Why there is even a division on this is beyond me, but for whatever reason black people have had divisions on hair textures, skin color, speech, and geography just to name a few.  Our turbulent history has been filled with THIS vs. THAT,  but that’s another post for another time and right now I’m here just to discuss the division of Naturals vs. Relaxed (Permies).

First of all….let’s get the extremists out of the way.  You are gonna have some Naturals who feel like Permies are self-hating fake-ass white women wannabes as well as some Permies who feel like Naturals are tree hugging, bone-in-the-nose bush bitches.  I’m not here to discuss them.  I want to delve into the issue with the majority of the two. 

Whether I like it or not the division exists.  There are more and more women going ‘Natural’ and others are starting to notice.  You see more Natural hairstyles in advertisements, commercials, the runway…it’s catching on.  I guess if you are a hard-core Permie you may feel a little threatened.  It’s not personal.  Most Naturals are THRILLED to be represented more in the media and it may seem like a revolution you want no part of, but understand this is about self-love. 


I tell my children that all the time to get them ready for this cruel world we live in.  I say it now for Permies to understand we’ve got our own issues and it really has nothing to do with you.  This is a personal journey that each Natural has decided to partake in and most of us don’t care how you choose to wear your tresses.

It’s about us….not you.  When you sit back and take that in….you may no longer feel judged.  Just as you don’t want to be judged by us and our perception of beauty, we don’t want your judgement and perceptions of beauty bestowed upon us either.  I cannot tell you how many times a Natural has had a Permie’s negative opinion of her hair verbally thrown upon her.   We get it from family members, significant others, co-workers…hell, even strangers in the street!  

I said all this to make the point that we ain’t hating on you.  Yea, we’d love if you would come and join us, but this lovely journey may not be for you.  You keep on perming and I’ll keep on co-washing.  As we pass each other on the street my smile will be genuine and I only want the same from you.  This can be a cruel world for the both of us and we both have to deal with it.  Let’s just deal with it with one less division.

Let’s stay civil ladies,



Leave a Reply


  1. April 20, 2012 / 1:22 pm

    Love this.That is all.

    • April 20, 2012 / 1:47 pm

      Thanks for your comment.

  2. April 20, 2012 / 4:31 pm

    WOW! This is as true as it gets!! MY gosh!!! I agree wholeheartedly as well!! I've been natural for almost four years, and I'm NOT a hater of relaxed women… I WAS one of those women for a LONG time. Just because I'm proud of who I am, proud of what I've accomplished in life, proud of my husband and my children and wear it PROUDLY on my face, and I just HAPPEN to be natural… does NOT mean that I'm hating!! Whew… This post is hitting home!! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!


    • April 20, 2012 / 5:13 pm

      Thank you love! I'm sure some relaxed women feel the pressure but I'm not one of them trying to convert them. I was relaxed almost 7 years ago and had to come to this side on my own terms. How women choose to wear their hair is a personal choice. Thanks for the comment and kind words.

    • April 20, 2012 / 5:51 pm

      Yes ma'am!!!! I agree!! Your hair, your choice!!! I'm here to encourage and help… not discourage and hurt! Everyone is different and everyone has their own feelings on things…. I'm about being natural and being PROUD of who I am as a whole… Looking like my children… Not being a hypocrite to them (THAT IS MY THOUGHTS… NOT MY THOUGHTS THAT I PUT ON OTHERS TO FEEL BAD)… you know???

      Again… Thanks for the post!! 🙂


    • April 20, 2012 / 11:46 pm

      Love your comments. Yes, we should all be here to encourage and help.

  3. May 8, 2013 / 5:22 pm

    "You keep on perming and I'll keep on co-washing" <— I love this! Great post!