Dating while natural…is that a thing? Well, it most certainly is and while many of us are already locked up (been married 18 years last December), there are thousands of black women single and having fun in the dating game. While many are enjoying their natural hair journey and dating with no issues about hair, some women are seeing a change in their dating pool and find their hair is the reason.
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I would never want to associate natural hair with something negative. I find nothing negative about it, but there are some women facing dating challenges as they rock natural curls, coils and kinks. I even had a natural hit me up last week with a question about her own concerns.
Question: I’m a 35 year old woman who recently went natural. Yay! and I’m finding it hard to get men’s attention like I used to. I did the Big Chop last summer and when I wore weaves I got all the attention. Now, not so much. I don’t want to wear weaves anymore. I prefer wearing my hair short and curly. What can I do?
Answer: First off, hey girl, I see you and welcome to the natural hair club! *hugs* Now, to your question. You can boldly rock your natural TWA, straighten it or you can try the many other styles out there including wigs, weaves or braids. Personally, I say rock your hair as you want and not even worry about it but I understand you need some solutions. So, I’ve got a few reasons as to why this may be happening and what you can do about your love-life vs. hair dilemma.
You may be attracting a different type of man than you are used to dating. Hey, we all have a type and you may be blind to the new attention you are receiving. When we’re on our daily grind we often become oblivious to our surroundings, especially if they have blended into the background forever. Case in point, check out below:
Many women have found they get more attention from non-black men now that they are natural. This point goes along with the previous point as to why you may be feeling less love your way. You didn’t specify a preference on who you date, so not sure if this is good news to you or not, but there are a lot of non-black men attracted to black women with natural hair. We are seeing more black women dating outside of their race and many of them are rocking those natural tresses.
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You may be overlooking the subtle glances or smiles your way or just think “Jake” is being nice by saying hello and hanging out at your cubicle. Get out of your own way and see who’s trying to get to know you. Just be open to suitors that may be quite different from your norm.
It’s no secret that some black men just don’t like natural hair and while I find that shallow, I understand we all have preferences. My sis dated a guy who didn’t like natural hair but LOVED weaves (needless to say he became an ex!) and that became one of the many reasons they broke up. Unfortunately, we are dealing with self-hatred in some of our own people. These men may harbor hatred that spills into a desire to never dating black women who embrace their naturalness. Don’t let that deter you as there are thousands of black men who love women with natural hair and find it stunning.
Don’t feel you have to change yourself to get a man (mate). Now, I’m ONLY talking about physically as we all need to become the best version of ourselves. But to wear a weave or straighten your hair for a man is not a good idea as you should never feel the need to alter your body for anyone! Now, willing to change it up to appease your mate (many women get asked to rock straight hair sometimes) is another thing entirely and really up to the natural to decide. Never base your self-worth off of others.
Trying other styles can be fun and the change may be what changes the game for you. Trying something like clip ins, crochet braids or the endless braided hairstyles available can protect your hair while giving you a new look. I urge you not to use this as a means to get more attention though. Use it for you and not for anyone else and be leery of anyone only hitting on you because you are rocking a weave.
Do what makes you happy and that includes how you prefer to wear your hair. That is the bottom line. You will be dating again or dating more and you do not or should not have to change your hair to impress anyone. There are men out there who will love your natural hair and how you care for yourself.
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I didn’t want this to be a post on bashing men who don’t like black women with natural hair, nor did I want this to be about having to change ourselves to get a man. I wanted to share why some women may be experiencing a lull in their dating life in regards to their natural hair. I also wanted to make sure they understand hair really shouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I’ve rocked wigs, box braids (down to my ass), a TWA and almost every hairstyle in-between. While hubby loves my natural hair most out of all the hairstyles I’ve had, the reason we are together had nothing to do with my hair.
Have you had any issues dating now that you have natural hair? Share below!