I was finding out what I find beautiful along with what I want from my hair. When I first went down this Natural journey the initial goal was to keep it from breaking off so I stopped perming. Didn't do anything else to it that was actually considered good, but I did take that first step for a valid and non-fashionable reason. I'm kind of proud of that.
I also didn't necessarily find Natural hair beautiful. I found it striking, bold, as well as proud. Back then I wasn't loving what was growing out of my head, but that doesn't mean every relaxed woman feels the same. I'm merely being honest about what I thought. I was kind of envious of those women who didn't have to be chained to chemicals but other than that I really didn't think too much about it. It was too weird of an idea for me to even consider.
Times change and so do likes, dislikes, values, as well as priorities. My life changed so drastically in September 2005 with Katrina so I guess I was just trying to gain some sort of normalcy when the whirlwind calmed down and we found ourselves in Colorado. What the hell? Yea, we were in Colorado and NOBODY could have told me we would be living outside of the South not to even mention living in the Wild West!
Dry, cold, hot....Colorado has all of those temperatures or extremes but humidity didn't seem to be a factor. What to do with my hair that has ALWAYS been in humid climates? That was when I changed what was my norm and became a 'Natural'. Scared, uneducated and alone. That's how I found myself as I embarked on one of the best decisions I've made for myself. The thirty-five year old Sabrina could never had imagined I would be where I am today.
I am so comfortable with my hair now. I mean REALLY comfortable. I want wildness and big and free and real hair. I was not feeling that almost 10 years ago. When you look at my Tumblr site you see so many styles I am madly in love with. I want the striking, the unconforming, the wild...I want the FREEDOM. I WANT TO BE ME! What is me? It's whatever this mass of curls and coils are feeling for that day.
I know I am still transforming. I'm not finished figuring out what I want and what I find beautiful today will be too tamed or too wild for me in a couple of years. Despite what I have become I know one thing will remain constant and real. My Naturalness. I ain't going back to chemicals and that's all I really need to know about what my future holds.
So yea, I'm still defining myself because at the tender age of forty-three I've got quite a few years on this earth and as I grow so will my tresses. Grays will appear and wrinkles will soon follow but feeling the need to alter myself will never find root here anymore. Where I came from helped shape where I am and where I will soon be. I'm thankful for all those pitfalls and failures because they allowed me to really see who Sabrina was.
Do you see yourself? Do you know yourself? If you're lucky and willing to actually look you just may be able to finally see that beautiful woman and hair that completes you.
Loving me and this hair of mine Naturals,