How many of you have met black men who really liked you, but your “image” did not meet their standards? How many really great women get left behind due to artificial, fake and phony requirements of how a person looks over the content of their character? Using myself as an example, I was “engaged” do a Dr. A big deal, but not really. He is not a nice person. Very judgmental, CHEAP, chauvinistic (in 2012) and irresponsible with his money. That said, he was also entertaining, could be charming, but I believe these are also the traits of serial killers!
Anyway, to get to my point, I wear my hair au natural. It is a nice length, attractive and well kept. Because he had an “image” to maintain, we actually fought over my hair. In 2012, at 56 why would I argue with any man over MY DAMN HAIR?
Ladies, after your very FIRST disagreement is the time to Pay Attention. This is where old habits may rear their ugly head in both of you.
He did apologize, but it took a toll. Made me really take a critical look at every single thing in his life that made me uneasy. You know why? Because after you move in or get married, you GET really critical. Might as well do the critical thinking up front. Write it down if you need to. Everything, this is no time to be generous. It is the time to be brutally honest.
I have met plenty of men (like him) who GET the woman that met their standards! My question is if you GET what you ASK FOR, what is the problem?
Why should you care if the person is a bitch, belittles you or makes you feel less than a man? None of these issues mattered when you had the choice to find out what this woman was/is really about. Nope, you were too busy talking about how “fine” she was, how good she looks when you go out, etc. None of those physical characteristics take the place of kindness, authenticity, consideration, genuine caring and really liking the person you are with. Oh yeah, looks fade, especially when they have been artificially enhanced.
While it may do your ego good to have the fellas falling out over your latest conquest, if you are miserable, drinking and drugging just to deal with this person, you made a mistake. Man up and move on. The mistake is compounded when, even after you get out of this (and your last several relationships); you try to remake your current lady to YOUR STANDARDS. Check this out fellas- If you cannot talk to your lady, if she does not make you laugh, smile when you are not with her and long for her company when you are apart, her looks mean nothing. Not a thing.
So, the next time you are complaining to a female friend, be aware that even when you are offered advice, freely, you could actually listen. This time, I wish you would both listen and comprehend. I am pulling for you brothers! I know you cannot be as selfish, self centered and shallow as so many of you APPEAR!
Be blessed in your search! Don’t forget what I just told you!
**Michelle D. Smith has several websites. Her relationship site is called Black Relationships for You. Her dating sites are Classy Black Singles and Single and Sexy Seniors. She has a spiritual blog Your Spiritual Garden. Michelle is a monthly contributor to Black Refer.com for Relationships! Relationships are the foundation of our lives. Let us treat each other as the treasures we are! Treat yourself as a treasure and others will respond accordingly!